dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
