I'm lost and stupid without you.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
