i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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