dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
