Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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