Already got asked if we're dating
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize