I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
