omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
