I got chris browned last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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