so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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