i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
