R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
