you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
