Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
