I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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