he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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