i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
