Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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