cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
