just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
