Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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