i may or may not be watching the land before time
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
