Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
