we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
