my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
