Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
