I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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