Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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