Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize