So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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