Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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