I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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