So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
