all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize