So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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