I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
