oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
not ubering you a puppy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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