The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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