Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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