So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
