I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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