Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just threw up on my dentist
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize