hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the night ended with taco bell and tears
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
