So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
