I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
