it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
