I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
