So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
