My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
