i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
