Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
