Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
