if i died would you start the facebook group?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
