i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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