There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize