Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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