mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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