that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
