Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I believe in your delicious
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
