still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
