I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
