yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
