he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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