Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
