I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
