I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
