He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
