Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
