Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
