do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
