the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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