PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
