I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
