My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
