my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They have beer where we have blood.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
