i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
