you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize