Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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