Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
