If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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