ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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