You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize