By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
