There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
