What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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