Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
