she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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