some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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