Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
