No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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