Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
