Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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