Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
