Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize