why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
