We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize