Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
