I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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