I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize